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Red Dwarf - episode: Meltdown

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11 Int. Prison Cell.

LISTER and CAT are in a prison cell with bars on the window, one bed and
a large metal cabinet in the corner.

CAT: What do you think these guys are gonna do to us?
LISTER: What ever it takes to find out about the paddle.
CAT: Hey, if you mean torture, then say the word torture -- I can take
it!
LISTER: OK, then, they'll torture us.
CAT: Waaaaah! Torture us! Waaaaaah!
LISTER: Probably won't, man. They're probably not even interested in the
paddle. They'll probably just take us outside and execute us.
CAT: You're just saying that to make me feel better. It's just those
guys are fiends. They instantly know your weak spots. As soon as they
see me they only have to force me into platform shoes and flared
trousers and I'll sing like Tweety Pie.
LISTER: Dunno what the smeg went wrong. Kryten never said anything about
the paddle taking us back in time. Just supposed to transport us to
the nearest planet with a breathable atmosphere. How the smeg did we
wind up in the middle of the Third Reich?
CAT: What are those guys doing out there?.
LISTER: Building something.
CAT: What?
LISTER: Oh nothing, nothing. Just a sculpture, you know, a modern art
job. The kind you get in shopping malls.
CAT: What's it made of?
LISTER: Wood. It's a sort of inverted L shape in wood.
CAT: Does it have a kind of rope motif?.
LISTER: There's a sort of noose theme to it, yeah.
CAT: Its gallows, right? Look, if it's gallows, say it's gallows -- I
can take it.
LISTER: OK, it's gallows.
CAT: Waaaaah! They're building a gallows! They're hanging us! Waaaaah!
LISTER: Look man, don't panic. We're gonna escape.
CAT: How?
LISTER: Just... hijack the guards when they come in, nick their uniforms
and stroll out.
CAT: Are you insane? Do you seriously expect me to wear grey out of
season? I'd rather hang.
LISTER: Hang on, hang on. Something's happening. Some kind of parade or
drill but...
CAT: But what?
LISTER: Hang on. These guys aren't Nazis -- they're all wearing
different period costumes. There's one looks like Al Capone, there's
another like Mussolini, Richard III, Napoleon. Smeg, it's like all the
worst people in history have been brought together in one place. Oh my
God, there's James Last! I recognize him from Rimmer's record
collection.
CAT: What are they doing?.
LISTER: Well, just lining up in ... in some kind of firing squad. Woah
Woah! Hang on, hang on. Someone's being brought out, they're tying
him to a stake. It's Winnie the Pooh.
CAT: What?
LISTER: Winnie the Pooh, I swear! He's refusing the blindfold.
CAT: They're tying Winnie the Pooh to a stake?

Sound fx of gun shots.

LISTER: That's something no one should ever have to see.

Door opens and LINCOLN is thrown in the room.

LINCOLN: My God, sirs, you may break our bones but you will never break
our spirits! Good day, good sirs, the name's Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln.
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LINK TO FULL SCRIPT

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